Donovan Josiah Howell

9 Sep

My story is like one of all others who dare seek something beyond what they  see as truth set down before them.  We are told that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree and our path is pre-designed by our elders who walked before us.  Throughout the passing of our bloodline their reality has become our truths and you are pre-designed and pre-destined to exist in this space that you were dealt with in the stars.  And to further push that concept upon us we are told that we are one, recycled energy picking and choosing our fate, our parents and family to unfold lessons from one life time to the next. This repetitive motion of passing from one generation to the next.  With each the message grows louder and senses become more awoken and any and all pain becomes this sickness that breeds with in.  Or at least in my family……  So much pain passed down, disease, dysfunction, the mind breaking away from itself and rejection of any love given will be turned away from, for the love we receive is the very  love that in which we feel we deserve…….

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Its August 7th, 1995 And I am 17 years old and about to give birth to a Mr Donovan Howell 7 lb 9 ounces. To my left is my mother and to my right is my midwife and late Aunt Lisa Block Weiser. Donovan’s birth was the most amazing day of my life and though I was just a child myself,  I was raised with babies being born at home and with the concept that children should be brought into this world in celebration. My aunt was my midwife and my mother, my coach. All my siblings and aunt’s children attended the birth of my baby boy, the first born of his generation.  I had my best friend, Rosie Jones there and my mothers best Friend, Lucy Williams. My brother called time as his 6 month pregnant girlfriend watched wide eyed. My cousins hung out on the sidelines and helped where needed. I labored for 9 and half hours all over the house. Moving from squatting to sitting to more squatting in the living room to the bedroom to the bathroom with the shower running over me back to the living room, which is what you are looking at in this picture. We had lined and padded a tub and filled it with warm water to labor in. Donovan’s father ,Derek Howell, was 21 and had never heard of such a thing to have a baby at home. Nervous and freaked out he spent most of his time in the background drinking beer in freight of what was happening.

Finally it came time to push and Derek was slammed into his role and he rose to the occasion to his part in the birth of his only son. The baby was born in my bed with me in the arms of his father. My aunt rested the child on my chest and had me check the sex. It was boy!!! She took his vitals as his father and i wept from utter joy. Derek being to struck with over amounts of emotions was terrified to touch the baby, afraid he would hurt it, my mother was the one who ended up cutting the cord. My aunt kicked everyone out of the room, and I am still amazed we crammed that many people in a bedroom during all this to witness the bringing of life into the world.  Lisa helped me attach Donovan to my breast and left the child and myself alone to bond. The very first hour of Donovan’s Life was just the two of us looking at each other in wonder while he latched himself to my breast in my arms. My mother made stuffed bell peppers that night and everyone feasted while passing the baby around ogling and awing over him…..The placenta we wrapped and froze for 6 months until my niece, my brothers daughter was born. We planted the two placentas together in front of the house where Donovan was born (oddly enough the house where i was born was literally right around the corner , a street over from where i met his father and my own placenta was buried). We planted sunflowers where we buried the placentas. it is said that sunflowers will bring you love, truth and loyalty and protect you from harms way.


Even as a child giving life to another being I knew something in my world wasn’t right.  I had this overwhelming sense that I was not to pass on the sadness and insanity to this life growing inside of me.  I didn’t want this path to be his only chose to stand in front of him.  I wanted him to make his own way in the world and tell his own story and not one of sadness that has been already passed to so many before him.  I gave him his fathers name in hopes that he would find some peace dis-attached from the unbalance I had come to know in my own family amongst men. I had done my research and decided that the birth of this child would be of celebration and that is how his life would start, filled with love and joy and union of a family and community.

Through my experience as a mother i have found that my son has been a huge influence on my spiritual path.  He has taught me far more than I could have even begun to teach him.  He has constantly reflected my fears, truths, demons, love and light inside of me and has at times forced me to not look away and address the issue of our state of minds and existence not just in the world we co-create but in the  heart of our emotion and what we project our children  do in return internalize and  reflect back at us reminding us of who we are.  It is through our change and willingness to explore the possibility  of healing patterns so ingrained by finding humility and restoring balance between the realm of what was and what is and what will be.

Sitting in a window ceil watching the cars go by……encapsulated bubble drifting through time from one face to the next never knowing which one is your own………….

THEY ARE NOT JUST CLOTHES, THEY ARE AN EXPERIENCE WAITING TO HAPPEN….step into your imagination and manifest your own story…….

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2 Responses to “Donovan Josiah Howell”

  1. bellsandstitches December 24, 2013 at 6:38 am #

    Reblogged this on CONFESSIONS AND SECRETS.

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